david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
