spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
