I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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