3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You smell like stripper and shame
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
