Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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