I CAN MOONWALK!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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