Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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