I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Randomize
