this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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