Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
