Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
