bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
