My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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