If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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