I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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