I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
