He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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