so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
