I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize