I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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