I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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