She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
