Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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