Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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