Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
