Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
