you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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