I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
