these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
