It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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