She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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