The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
