Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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