Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize