Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
