Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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