why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
