Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
