marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
