is your mom at the bar?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
