Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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