Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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