She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
