omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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