I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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