Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
