What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
