Plan B is the new Plan A
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
