i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I enjoy the company of your penis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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