News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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