So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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