I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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