i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am puke
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
