I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
