Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
