Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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