before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He felt like a one man threesome
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
