Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize