When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
