I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
