Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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