She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
