yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
