Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
