did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
