Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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