I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
