Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
