sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
