so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
