Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
