smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
