he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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