i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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