I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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