How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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