All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
