You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
