Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
