I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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